Say You Desire Me (Full Moon Book 3) Read online

  Say You

  Desire Me

  Stefanie Van Mol

  Full Moon series: book 3

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Say You Desire Me (Full Moon, #3)

  DON’T MISS OUT!

  ABOUT THIS BOOK

  ALSO BY STEFANIE VAN MOL

  Prologue | Jolene

  1 | John

  2 | Jolene

  3 | John

  4 | Jolene

  5 | John

  6 | Jolene

  7 | John

  8 | Jolene

  9 | John

  10 | Jolene

  11 | John

  12 | Jolene

  13 | John

  14 | Jolene

  15 | John

  16 | Jolene

  17 | John

  18 | Jolene

  19 | John

  20 | Jolene

  21 | John

  22 | Jolene

  23 | John

  ALSO BY STEFANIE VAN MOL

  Acknowledgments

  Say You Desire Me

  Full Moon series: book 3

  Cover Design: Vixen Designs

  Copy editor: Marla Selkow Esposito

  ISBN: 9789493030169

  All rights reserved. No parts of the book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the author, except for inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, establishments, organizations, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously to give a sense of authenticity. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Visit my website at

  www.stefanievanmol.com

  Love is the irresistible desire

  to be desired irresistibly.

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  ABOUT THIS BOOK

  Jolene.

  My life changed that tragic day.

  My parents died in a car crash, so I was forced to go and live with my brother for a while.

  My brother, Max, who’s the lead singer of Full Moon.

  Everyone treats me like I’m fragile. Like I will break any second.

  But all I want is to be free again. To be myself again.

  JOHN

  I’m the guitarist of Full Moon. I have it all.

  A different woman in my bed every night,

  party like there’s no tomorrow.

  My life is fun.

  Until the little sister of our lead singer Max stays with the band.

  Turns out she’s not so little anymore.

  That small spitfire turns my life upside down.

  But am I willing to brake all the rules to be with her?

  ALSO BY STEFANIE VAN MOL

  FULL MOON SERIES

  Say You Want Me

  Say You Need Me

  Say You Desire Me

  Say You Crave Me (Coming soon)

  Say You Cherish Me (Coming soon)

  Say You Love Me (coming soon)

  Prologue

  Jolene

  The cool spring breeze brushes past my ankles. They are only covered in black stockings, so I shiver. A cold shudder runs down my spine. Normally I don’t wear stockings, like ever. I don’t like the synthetic feel against my skin. But today I had no choice. I pull my coat tightly around me, hoping that it will block this cold, but it’s no use. The cold I’m feeling has nothing to do with the unusually cool breeze for this time of year or the black stockings. This cold is coming from deep within me.

  When I look around, I see that by now only me, Max, and our closest family are left behind. Just like we wanted it to be. Thank God the press respected our wishes and kept their distance today. Behind our relatives, I see all the members of Full Moon in the back row. My brother Max is the lead singer in their band, and they are here to support him. Through all the years they’ve been working together they’ve become family. Max softly squeezes my hand when they lower the two black coffins into the ground. I try to stay strong, but I can feel myself falling to pieces. In my mind I keep repeating the same mantra over and over again: don’t cry, you are a strong woman, don’t cry, you are a strong woman... But it’s no use, the tears I’ve been trying to hold in all day run down my cheeks. A few tears eventually turn into an uncontrollable sob.

  Max wraps his strong arms around me. He pulls me closer and turns me around, so I don’t have to look at the coffins anymore. I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. I don’t understand how Max can stay so strong at a time like this when all I want to do is scream. As loud as I can until my voice is hoarse and all the anger I feel running through my veins has disappeared. So many questions linger in my head. Why them? Why did my parents have to be at that spot at that time? What’s going to happen to me now?

  So many questions, so few answers.

  It isn’t until I look over Max’s shoulder that I notice everyone is watching at me. Most of them are whispering something to each other, others are just staring at me, but one thing they all have in common: they all have the same look in their eyes. They look at me like I’m going to have a meltdown any minute now. And let’s be honest, why shouldn’t they look at me like that? But no matter how well-meaning they are, I don’t need their pity. I hate the fact they’re looking at me like I’m a hopeless case. It makes me feel lost. And that’s when it hits me, all the pain of the last couple of days. I feel my breath hitch in my chest. I have to get out of here.

  I break away, out of Max’s grip and start to run. I can hear Max calling after me, but I’m not going back there, so I keep running. Until my name is only a small whisper in the distance.

  When I get to the end of the cemetery, I stop running and sink down on a bench. My heart is about to jump out of my chest; my legs are shaking from all the emotions running through me. I think back to last Tuesday, that fateful Tuesday that changed my life as I knew it into a living nightmare. When I left class that day and saw Max, I knew. I knew right away that something horrible had happened.

  MIA, ERICA, AND I WALK out of class together. We just finished our final exam. After four years of studying, we will finally graduate college as teachers. That is, if we pass our finals, but I’m sure we all will. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve dreamed of becoming a teacher. This last year we each did an internship, which was great. But I’m ready to have a classroom of my own. I’m ready to take the plunge into real life.

  We’re near the main doors of the school when Mia stops me. She points to someone who’s walking toward us in the hallway.

  “Isn’t that your brother?”

  I look up in the direction she’s pointing at. With all the commotion going on in the hallway, I shouldn’t be surprised that this is happening if it is my brother. Ever since his rock band began pumping out one hit after another everybody around here knows who he is. All the girls around me stop in their tracks to admire him, and I roll my eyes. This is ridiculous.

  To all of them he’s a famous rock star, but to me, he’s still just my older brother. Max and I have always been close, and even though we don’t see each other as much as we used to, we keep in touch. So that makes me wonder what he’s doing here. Earlier this week we had a phone call, and he didn’t mention he was going to drop by. As soon as my gaze lands on him, my heart leaps into my throat. Something bad has happened, I can see it written all over him. His shoulders are hunched over, and his face is as pale as a ghost. His eyes may be
hidden behind his sunglasses, but I’ve always been good at reading Max. So, I stand there, watching him get closer to me. With every step he takes my heart pounds louder in my ears. Until he’s standing before me. He takes off his sunglasses and looks at me.

  “Can we talk somewhere private?”

  His eyes don’t have their usual sparkle. Whatever he’s about to tell me will be painful. My two best friends look from me to Max and back again, worry written all over their faces. It feels as if everyone at school has stopped to watch the exchange between us.

  “Yes,” I say hesitantly. “We can take a walk outside.”

  Max takes my backpack out of my hands and throws it onto his back. He was always the caring, big brother and even now when he’s clearly upset, he still takes care of me. He puts his hand on my lower back and guides me toward the door. I’m usually one of those people who stay in the background—you know, a private person—but today everyone’s staring at me and my brother, the famous singer. Yep, not so anonymous anymore. Max opens the door for me and we walk outside. We cross the quad to get to a bench near the lawn. Once we are out of view and have a bit of privacy, he stops and waits until I sit down.

  I can’t take this any longer. “Tell me what’s going on, please. You’re scaring me, Max.”

  He clears his throat and looks at me with the most intense stare I’ve ever seen on him. Chills run down my arms. I don’t know what to expect, but the words that come out are way worse than what I ever imagined.

  “Mom and Dad are dead, Jolene.”

  My lungs contract and I gasp for air. I look up at him, mad. “If this is some kind of joke, Max, it’s not funny.”

  A lonely tear rolls down his cheek. That’s when I realize he’s not joking. This is the cold, hard reality. I’ve never seen Max cry before. Ever.

  “When they went grocery shopping this morning, a truck at the intersection hit them. The driver of the truck ran a red light. He was drunk. The collision was unavoidable, and they both died on impact.”

  I jump up from the bench. How I wish I could run away from here, but Max stops me by standing in front of me. I hit his chest with my fists. Slow at first, but I keep pummeling him. Harder and faster. I’ve lost control of my emotions.

  “You’re lying! Tell me you’re lying.”

  “I’m not lying, Jolene. I wish I were, but I’m not.”

  He pulls me closer to him, and this time I let him. My feet give way under me, and Max holds me against him, not letting me fall. He strokes my hair and lets me cry against his shoulder. I don’t know how long we’re standing there, but when I finally get myself under control a little, I ask him the question that’s been burning on my lips.

  “What will happen next, Max?”

  He lets out a deep, tired sigh. “I don’t know, little one, but whatever happens, I will always be there for you. Together we’ll make it through this. One way or another.”

  LIFE AS I KNEW IT CHANGED that fateful Tuesday. In the blink of an eye, my whole life was turned upside down, and there was nothing I could do about it. Suddenly, all the years of studying to become a teacher seemed pointless. My entire childhood I dreamed of becoming a teacher, and when I successfully completed my final internship, it felt too good to be true. I was so close. But now that Max and I have just buried both our parents, all my dreams seem to have shattered.

  We talked about the situation, and it seems best for me to join him and the band on their tour this summer. I’m not ready to live alone in our family home. There are too many memories there. I know Max can provide for me financially, but I just can’t stand the thought of being there alone all the time. Max can’t leave Full Moon to stay with me, so it looks like a summer tour is in my future. A few days ago, I received my final grades in the mail, and I’m now officially a teacher. So, this summer, while I’m on tour with Full Moon, I get to have some me time and figure out where I want to go from here. I can also send out some résumés, just in case.

  Max comes and sits next to me on the bench. He slips his arm around my shoulders; I rest my head in the crook of his neck. And for now, we sit here, in silence, our grief silently hanging between us. After a moment he takes off his sunglasses and looks at me. His expression is sad. He has dark rings under his eyes, and he looks pale.

  “I wish I could say something to make you feel better, to make this all go away, but I can’t.”

  “What are we supposed to do now?” I ask worriedly.

  “I don’t know, sis, but whatever happens, you can always count on me to be there for you.”

  He holds out his hand to me, and I take it. Together we get up and head back to the plot where my parents have their final resting place. It may be a small thing, but I find comfort in the fact that they were together, that they weren’t on their own when it happened. During the time we were sitting on that bench, all the others have left so that just leaves me and him here. Max takes a step forward and puts a single red rose on their grave. We stand there for a while, each of us deep in thought. But the cold keeps getting worse, and I can’t keep my teeth from chattering. Max comes to stand next to me, puts his arm around my shoulders, and together we walk to the car.

  I have absolutely no idea what the future holds for us, but feeling the warmth of Max’s arm around me, I know I’m not alone.

  1

  John

  I walk down the hall of the concert venue toward the lounge, looking for Maxim. When Camille came over to drop off breakfast for all the members of the band, she brought her and Jonathan’s two sons along. Let me tell you something, Maxim, the eldest, can be a handful. I only had my back turned to him for a second, but he managed to open my guitar case and stand on top of my guitar with those little feet of his.

  His! Two! Feet! On! My! Guitar!

  And when I tried to explain to him that this was unacceptable, he ran away screaming. And now I’m the one who has to go look for him. Fine, I shouldn’t have yelled at him, but fuck, he was standing on my guitar! With his feet! Whoever touches my guitar, touches me. Everybody fucking knows that.

  I open the door to the lounge, hoping to find the little brat there. I do a double-take when I notice there’s someone there. Not Maxim; it’s someone else. And not just anyone...

  The person in question stands with her back toward me, and she appears to be locked in battle with the coffee maker. Because she clearly didn’t notice me coming in, it gives me the opportunity to check her out from a distance. I let my gaze wander approvingly over her long, bare legs and perky behind. I have to say, that’s one fine ass. I can practically see all of it since she’s wearing really, really short denim shorts. And when she bends over a bit more—which pushes her ass out even more—I can’t look away for the life of me.

  There are two types of men: men who like boobs and men who like booty. And even though I can appreciate a fine pair of tits, I have always been a booty-loving man myself. I mean, just the way a woman’s ass can jiggle when she walks, that’s enough to drive me insane with lust. Most definitely if it’s an ass as nice as the one pointing toward me right now.

  Her white shirt creeps up a little bit when she leans forward, giving me a view of a sliver of her bronzed back. This woman has everything to bring a man to his knees, making me wonder which of the other band members had the pleasure of bringing this girl back with them last night. But I can’t remember anyone bringing someone up to their room and let me tell you one thing: I would have remembered a woman like her.

  The sound of something breaking wakes me up from my daydream, and a loud curse following it. “Fuck!”

  It looks like the coffee maker is winning the battle. I smile. She’s got some mouth on her. I picture what I could do to that mouth of hers. I’m still standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame and my gaze is still glued to her, watching her fight with the coffee maker. Maybe I should put her out of her misery. Time to bring on the charm! Man, this girl has no idea what’s about to hit her.

  “Can I help you wi
th that?”

  She jumps at the sound of my voice and holds her hands up in front of her chest. If I thought her behind was pretty, I was not prepared for the front. Because Oh. My. God. I let my eyes wander over her front side. The front of her legs are just as stunning as the back. Her fast breathing makes her shirt ride up and down her tummy, giving me a perfect view of her flat stomach. I’m not sure, but I think I can also see a piece of a shiny belly-button ring. I take note to find out about that later. Preferably when she’s lying under me, in my bed. My gaze moves farther up, past her tits and slender neck to reach her face.

  Something about her face makes me think I’ve seen her before, but I’m not quite sure. I mean, I’m sure I would remember sleeping with a beauty like her, right? Maybe she was at the concert last night? Those dark brown eyes of hers keep staring at me curiously. Her brown curly hair elegantly frames her face, and she has a faint pink blush on her cheeks.

  I push away from the doorframe and walk toward her. The closer I get to her, the more nervous she looks. Her eyes follow every step I take. She looks like a deer caught in headlights. Is she here for Tim? Or maybe Max? Why else is she here at this hour of the day? I only stop when I’m standing right in front of her, never lowering my gaze.

  “What’s the problem?”

  “Problem?” she asks, confused.

  I chuckle and point to the coffee maker.

  “Oh, well. I can’t seem to get the filter in right.”

  I take a step closer, as close as I can get, and lean past her to have a look at the machine. I smile when I hear her breath hitch. With my arms on either side of her, I reach for the coffee filter. She’s trapped, and if I get to have my way, she’ll be staying there for a while. A gentle smell of vanilla fills my nostrils. Her soft hair brushes my arms when she takes a closer look at what I’m doing.

  I make a small adjustment to the filter, click it in place and manage to get the machine working. Her gaze follows every move I make; I can feel it burning on my skin. The water starts to boil, and reluctantly, I pull away from her, releasing her from my trap, but I don’t take a step back. She turns around again and looks up at me.